The Lake House Incident

"I'm going to spend the weekend with my family at our lake house." Boxer Breifs told me. "Would you...want to come?"

"Okay," I replied. "But how are we going to get anything accomplished with your parents around?"

He didn't answer.

We got to the lake house a few hours before his parents. He leaned in and kissed me tenderly on the lips. I smiled. He plopped down ungracefully onto the couch.

My smile vanished.

"Commere." He patted the couch next to him. I sat down and primly crossed my legs. "Whatttt?" He asked. He put his arm over my shoulder. "My bedroom is over there if you want to see it."

That was all the coaxing I needed. I stood up and followed him. We began to kiss and he pushed me onto his bed. He ferociously tore at my shirt and pushed his pants down.

"I can't." I said, sitting up.

"Why?"

"I...just started my period."

"I don't care if you don't." Boxer Briefs pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I really don't."


Just then, we heard the sound of a door open. He pulled on his shirt and walked out to meet his parents.

Needless to say, the rest of the day was relatively uneventful.


That night, however, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in."

Boxer Briefs, clad in (you guessed it) boxer breifs, waltzed into my room.

"Look what I did!"

He pulled me into the next room, which was his. His bed was full of awkward lumps.

"It's supposed to be me!"

I glared at him.

"Boxer Breifs... No human in the world is shaped like that, and last time I checked, you wern't a camel. Besides, if you were, you can bet your ass I wouldn't be here."

He looked at me sheepishly.

"I'm spending the night with you, Ava. No one will ever guess the differance."

"No you're not."

"I am"

"Am not."

"Fine," He sighed, "Can I at least come in for a minute?"



A minute turned into a blow job.

"I really don't mind," He said, tugging at my underwear.

He rolled on top and pushed into me...The sex, like usual, was over pretty quickly.

"Go back to your room, okay?" I turned on the lights and put my clothes on when i realized...

"Boxer Breifs?" I heard my voice rise. "There's blood all over the goddamn fucking SHEETS!"

"So?" He said. "If my mom asks, say you had a...nose bleed."

"Yeah, right. My nose is really strategically located right in the middle of the fucking bed."

We heard footsteps in the hall, and Boxer Briefs ran into his room, leaving me quaking in the hall.

"Whats going on out here?" Asked his mom. "I was hearing weird noises!"

I pointed to my nose. I was about to go with the nose bleed lie when my George Washington complex kicked in. How could I lie to his poor, unassuming, sweet little mom?

"I....started my period." I looked at my feet guiltily.

"It's okay, honey!" she said quickly. "I just washed some more sheets..." Her voice trailed off.

"It's not too bad," I said, humiliated.

Boxer Briefs walked out of his room rubbing his eyes.

"What's going on out here?" He asked, unconvincingly. He faked a yawn and stretched.

"GO BACK TO BED!" snapped his mother. She gave me a small smile.


The next morning, I slept later then everyone else. I woke up to the smell of waffles cooking. I walked into the living room.

"Want to go for a walk before breakfast?" I asked Boxer Breifs.

"Sure."

"Did your mom say anything about...last night?" I asked. "You were a bit...unrealistic."

"As a matter of fact..." He stifled a smile, "She said you had a "feminine accident!""




Wonderful.

First Time, Revisited

"I like you." I said.
"I only want you for casual sex."
"Okay."

We stumbled backwards into the room. I felt Boxer Brief's arms around me as we fell onto his bed. He stroked my hair, and pressed his cheek against mine.

I made a mental note never to let a guy drink coffee again before a hook-up session.

He kissed me, and an awkward tangle of tongues ensued. What was he doing?

"I know I'm a bad kisser," he sighed.
"Well, at least you can be confident in the fact that you're a bad kisser!" I said.

He kissed me again. Coffee. Yuck.

"I want to be inside you," he crooned gently into my ear.

Oh, okay. I thought. I felt strangely turned off.

"Do you have a condom?" I asked.

"No. Do you?"

I sighed. Man Law again. Fuck that.

"I do, lucky you. Next time come prepared, asshole. Unless all you want is a casual pregnancy as well."

He scrambled to put it on with one hand, and unclipped my bra with the other. Smoothest move he pulled all day.

He climbed on top of me, and pushed hard.

"OUCH!"

"Did that hurt? Do you want me to stop?" Boxer Briefs looked at me with a slightly bemused expression.

"YES IT HURT...but keep going."

45 minutes later, he finally managed to get it in.

"No offense, Ava, But you're really tight."

Naw, ya think?

"Oh my gosh, I'm coming!" He said. He let out a low moan, and pulled out.

"That was quick!" I said, gathering up my clothes. "Not to mention a thoroughly underwhelming performance from someone who just wanted casual sex."

"Well, it was your first time!" He pouted.

"Yeah...I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that it wasn't YOU that sucked, it was just because it was the first time."

"Okay..." Boxer Briefs stood up and pulled on his pants.

"Same time next week?"

No Homo?

I jumped into Bud Light's car.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"My house. My parents arn't home."

I sat back in my seat, as he babbled on about how he lived in THE nicest neighborhood, drove THE nicest car, and lived in THE biggest house on the block. Soon enough, we rolled up to his humble home. He stepped around the side door and grabbed my hand to help me out. He swept me into a hug and kissed me passionately.

"I missed you. I love you." I felt his arms tighten around my waist.

"You're alright..." I told him. "You'll do."

He began to give my the grand tour of his house, finally ending in the upstairs bathroom. How romantic.

"Can you believe I have two kitchens?" He was breathing heavily, and leaned in to kiss me again. There was a soft rustling noise and I heard his pants drop to the ground. "I need to take a shower. Care to join?"

"I'd rather not be there while you're washing your balls." I said. He shrugged.

"Suit yourself-- but look down."

He was obviously very impressed with himself...and I don't blame him. I could already tell through his tented boxers that he was much bigger then I remembered.

"Shower quick!" I told him.

Famous last words. The "quick" shower lasted about 45 minutes.

"They're reinstituting the water regulations...the little water they accumulated after the drought has now been used for Bud Light's shower-hour," I told him when he got out.

He didn't get it. Boys are so stupid sometimes.

He led me into the bedroom and slowly pulled off my clothes. Next thing you know, my face was between his legs, and his hands were on the back of my neck.

Then, he began to push my face down further...I used my hands on his cock while i worked my mouth lower. Then, he began to push my hands down too. I started to suck him again...when suddenly:

"Whoa buddy. My hands are WAY past balls. What do you want?"

"Rub it..." He moaned.

"Rub WHAT?"

I didn't have to ask. I felt him gently push my fingers up...and...IN WHERE? I jumped back.

"No homo?" I gaped at him blankly. "I mean, whatever tickles your pickle, pal!" I stammered.

He sighed.

"Let me do you raw, then."

Snap, Crackle, POP!

It was eight-thirty in the morning and I was on a mission. I silently crept downstairs and crawled into the bed next to Bud Light. I felt his warm arms wrap around me as he snuggled closer. I felt his soft kisses on my lips and his eyelashes flutter across my cheeks.

He felt me poke him in the side impatiently.
"Good morning, sunshine!"
"Good morning, Ava." He sat up and pulled off his shirt. Progress. I pulled off my own and pressed against him.

I reached down.
"Well, SOMETHING'S awake. I don't know if YOU are!"

"I assure you I am." He rolled on top of me, kicking off his pajama pants and shoving mine aside.

He pushed against my underwear.
"I should probably take that off first..." I said.

He kept pushing.

I sighed. "No really, Bud, I'm not feeling a connection here. Let me try to make things a little easier for you."

I pulled them off and he pressed into me with a shocked expression.
"Much easier, right?" I asked. He pushed harder in response.

"Move up..." he groaned.

"How? You've got me kind of pinned down under here."

That was all the prompting he needed... he grabbed my hips and forced me into a sitting position. He thrust hard. Then...

"POP!" "OUCH!" "DAMN!"

"WHAT?"

I didn't have to ask that question. He pulled out at a weird angle after changing my position and thrust hard against my pubic bone. Very hard, apparently.

"Did I break you?" My voice was ten octaves higher then I ever remembered it.

"Am I bleeding?" His voice was equally small.

"I can't tell. You might want to take the condom off."

"No- I'm not done with you and I don't have another. I don't think I'm bleeding...much."

Gross. Well, at least he's persistent!

Condom Quest

Well- according to Man Law, WOMEN are supposed to bring protection. Generally speaking, i think Man Law is full of crap, but this is one rule i abide by. Why? Men are forgetful, careless, and generally incompetent. Unless i know and trust the guy i'm with, i bring protection. This way, I know it hasn't been tampered with, and most of all, it exists. I'm sick of men saying, "I forgot--- but i'll pull out."

NO WAY, Buddy. STEP AWAYYYY from my va-jay-jay.

So, today, in lieu of an exciting new prospect (who is probably trustworthy, but why risk it?) I began on my journey to the condom aisle of Kroger's super market. Easier said then done, however, because the aisle was proving to be quite ellusive.

I began my search in what I decided the most natural place would be--- the pharmacy. No luck. I poured down the aisles, scratching my head, when I ran into my mom, who was also shopping.

"What are you looking for? Maybe I can help!" She gave me a quizzical look. Time for some quick thinkin'.

"Tampons."

"They're over there!"

"I'm looking for flavored ones?" I could hear the hesitation and rise in my voice and shook my head. My mom stared, head cocked.

"I don't know if they sell those here." She said. I assured her i would keep looking.

I began to get creative. Maybe i could by condoms in the "Wraps and Foil" aisle. After all, isn't it "Wrap it before you tap it"? or how about "Cover with foil before checking her oil?"

Unfortunately there was not a condom in sight, although i was enlightened on ten new kinds of saran-wrap.

I decided to check the "Baby Care" aisle. I mean, isn't it natural that they should also provide preventional measures AGAINST babies?

Apparently not.

Finally, i wound up back in the pharmacy section. I straightened up and walked boldly to the woman besides the register.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where i should go to find condoms?"

"They're locked up over there, here's the key."

LOCKED UP?!?! oh, okay. I bent over awkwardly to reach the lock guarding the condoms. I wondered how many people were discouraged and had unprotected sex to save themselves the hassle. Maybe they bought spermicidal lube and hoped for the best: that was sitting prominently on the unguarded shelf.

I grabbed a pack of 12. I mean, you can never be too careful.

Eight dollars and some change later, I left completely drained and wondering if i even had the stamina for sex after charging around the grocery store.

Maybe that's why they hid them and locked them up to begin with.

Close Encounters

"Does it look big?" Bud Light looked up at me, his face hopeful in the moonlit backseat of my car.

I looked down at him, exposed. I wasn't particularly impressed.

"It's huge!" I whispered. I wrapped my hand around him and bent down to kiss his cheek. He moved away. "What?" i asked.

"What would you say if i told you i was falling?"

I felt Bud Light's warm hands close on my shoulders. Not THIS shit again. I sighed.

"I'll be there to catch you."

"What if i told you i loved you?"

Why is it you grab a guy's dick and he automatically loves you? I could have rolled my eyes. He was biting his lip in anticipation.

"I love you too."

He rolled on top of me and eased down my pants. I felt his warm breath on my neck.

"I don't think this is appropriate for a first date" I said. He sat up.

"Okay." He kissed me gently. "I usually keep going until a girl gets horny enough then fuck her anyway. But for you, I'll wait."

Lucky me.

The next day, however, i gave in to temptation.

"Are you sure your parents won't come home?" Bud Light was already leading me towards the pull-out couch where he had slept the night before.

"Positive." I pulled his shirt off. "Take off your pants!" I ordered. I pulled off my clothes and laid down on the sofa couch. he crawled towards me. I felt his warmth as he pressed into me.

"We're right by the front door," he started nervously. "If someone walks in, we're dead!"

I sat up and grabbed his hand.

"We'll continue this in the living room." We walked into the next room, and he stood by the couch, expecting me to lay down. I pushed him down instead. I was riding him like a good cowgirl when...

"Is that your neighbor?"

Fuck That.

We went to the bathroom--- No windows, No lucky audience.

"Turn around!" Bud Light grabbed my hips and forced me to face the mirror. "Lean forward."

I felt his hands in my hair. I watched our motions in the mirror. Hot.

I ended up on my knees...He stood in front of me, his hands on my shoulders, on my neck, in my hair.

"You can come in my mouth."

"Yeah, but i probably won't. No girl has ever made me come from giving me head."

He did.